Cousins
When I was in high school there was this song called “Torn” by Natalie Imbruglia. She was basically a one-hit wonder but it spoke to me. I didn’t know all the words. Well, I mumbled them like just about any other teen who is pretending to be cool and know all the lyrics. But I loved the idea that this person was torn and wasn’t all upset about it. There were plenty of melancholy songs in that era (it WAS right after grunge), ones that fueled the woe-is-me mentality, the my-so-called-life generation. But Natalie Imbruglia wasn’t down in the dumps about her torn emotions. Well, she could have been, I wouldn’t know since I can’t remember the words. The music itself was uplifting. It leads up to a crescendo where I always, ALWAYS, put my arms out and turned in a happy, two year old twirl. It just made me giddy. How could I be so happy when there was so much affliction?
I ask myself that same question now, in my 30’s, after I have moved 1700 miles away from my home.
Levi, Jackson & Alexander looking at the Pacific Ocean
I have just returned from a three week trip to California. We drove two days to Southern California.
Got to watch my brother-in-law retire from 20 years of service in the Marine Corps (awesome ceremony!) and spent time with family on the beach for a few days.
Then I dropped Mike off at the airport so he could fly back to San Antonio while I drove up to Sacramento with boys in tow. We then spent two weeks visiting with family and friends.
Here we go...again!
Got to watch my brother-in-law retire from 20 years of service in the Marine Corps (awesome ceremony!) and spent time with family on the beach for a few days.
The whole ceremony was for him...yeah, I guess he's kind of awesome!
Then I dropped Mike off at the airport so he could fly back to San Antonio while I drove up to Sacramento with boys in tow. We then spent two weeks visiting with family and friends.
My best friend and family
At the beginning of the two weeks I was freaking out because it wasn’t going to be enough time to see everyone I wanted to see. At the end of the two weeks I was so ready to go home and back to my normal life. I feel bad about this. You see, although it was more jam packed because I was trying to squeeze everything in, the two weeks reminded me of how chaotic my life was when I lived in California.
Maybe it’s because I was born and raised there and I had so many people to keep up with. In comparison, I know hardly anyone in San Antonio so there are less people to ask for my time.
Maybe it’s because I was always committed to multiple things at the same time in Sacramento and I haven’t been connected to anything in particular in Texas that requires a commitment.
Maybe it’s a slower pace of life in the midwest. It’s probably a combination of all of these.
My Sea-Star
Maybe it’s because I was born and raised there and I had so many people to keep up with. In comparison, I know hardly anyone in San Antonio so there are less people to ask for my time.
Friends
Alexander's pre-school friend, William
Maybe it’s a slower pace of life in the midwest. It’s probably a combination of all of these.
My other best friend & Levi
Irregardless (that’s a word, right? I just looked it up...it is! But it doesn’t mean what I think it means. Oh well, this is my blog, I’m using it anyways!) I am ready to admit that I couldn’t wait to go home to San Antonio, yet I was kind of sad that I wanted to leave my friends and family so willingly. Enter the torn emotions. My heart will be in NorCal and in SoTex (I just made that up, I think). I will visit my peeps emotionally and physically once or twice a year. But I have to focus on what this place has to offer me.
Look! Airborn Fireworks! This is Texas!
Right now, it offers a lot. In the short five months we have been here I have:
- made this house our home
- made this home exactly what I have always wanted in a home (finally clean and organized!)
- enlisted the kids in chores, allowances, tithing, and savings (all things I wanted to do to teach life lessons but never found the time)
Allowance envelopes (Dave Ramsey system)
- worked with Levi doing “school fun” at home
First day of school fun this school year
- started a Gracie Bully Proof program that brought 12 kids into our home this last Sunday to teach them Jiu Jitsu to protect themselves (and will hopefully become a Christian outreach)
- sit down as a family to eat and pray together before every meal (can’t believe I had to go all the way to Texas for this!)
I know there are countless other positives. But the biggest is that I have time for my family now. My family: my number one mission.
Yeah, I’m torn. Probably will always be. But life isn’t about dwelling on the turmoil. It’s about bracing the crescendo wherever you can find it. And twirling, arms outstretched, like a toddler, smile on your face.
Twirl on y’all.
